My husband being a practicing Catholic, has asked my daughter to have a Priest marry her and her boyfriend. They are both Catholic but not practicing and with no intentions at this time in their lives to Practice. Yet would like a Priest to do the wedding because the rest of the family IS Practicing. Why can't a Priest just help and Wed this other wise wonderful young couple?.. With out the classes and all the stuff I think is supposed to go with it. Is it possible? Or shall we just find someone random who will?

-- (arialthefont@angelfire.com), March 25, 2003

Answers

Arial

Marriage is a sacrament. The only sacrament that works sort of like you suggest is Baptism and that is only because an infant can't really practice anything yet. So the parents make the promise to raise the infant as a Catholic. But adults are self-aware and reasoning. The priest is an ordained minister of God who is used as an instrument through which the grace of the Church is made available. He is vowed and marked to build the Church. How would he be building the Church if he approved of a non-practicing couple to be wed? Why not get honest? Honesty is the best policy. Being a "lukewarm" is worse. If it is an embarassment to the family than maybe it is something that must happen so truth may be known and you accept your children's adult choices. This perhaps is part of letting them go even though you might be working with them periodically to get them to return to the faith. It should be more heartbreaking that they don't practice their faith. The couple may be able to have their marriage blessed with a ceremony in a Catholic Church at a later date if they become better Catholics. Ask your priest on this. Hope that helps.

Sincerely

-- Mike H. (michael.hitzelberger@vscc.cc.tn.us), March 25, 2003.

If they don't want to be Catholics, why would they want a Catholic wedding? Social reasons are not sufficient. The Church is in the business of guiding people toward eternal salvation, not in arranging wedding ceremonies for social convenience. If they married "in the Church" for such reasons, and with so little apparent understanding of what marriage is actually about, their marriage would probably be sacramentally invalid from the beginning, regardless of whether a priest was involved or not. Therefore they would not be truly married except in the civil sense, so they might just as well have a civil ceremony.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), March 25, 2003.

Thank you everyone for your help. I have yet another question. My Dear Sister-in-law died just recently. She was brought up Catholic, but hadn't practiced for many many years, Yet a Priest had a Catholic Mass for her funeral, on the request of her sister. Where is the difference? I believe My Daughter will later in her life find church in her life, it seems many leave and come back a lot during their troubled lives. Who's to say this young couple won't do the same? Perhaps a Priest at their wedding would be just the thing they need in order to get started again. It also seems that since they are willing for a Catholic wedding, then something in their hearts tell them this is whats right and just the thing they need. Even though they say they would do this for the *Family* Any more comments would be highly appreciated

-- (arialthefont@angelfire.com), March 26, 2003.

Nice to hear from you once more Ellen.

-- jean bouchard (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), March 26, 2003.

Dear Arial,

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your Aunt. No one can judge where she is right now, or really whether she had a heart for Christ and His Church in her last moments on earth. We can only hope. In that hope, the priest offered Mass for the peaceful repose of her soul.

A wedding ceremony is a different matter entirely than a funeral. We mustn't mix apples and oranges.

A Nuptual Mass or Catholic wedding ceremony is a beautiful, elaborate, and solemn event. Anyone, even non-Catholics, would desire such a beautiful event to start their lives together! But there is also a spiritual dimension to that event, and the spiritual is far more important than what is visible and audible.

Chances are, the young couple would like the Church for what it has to offer...pretty windows, flowers, ornate altar, nice music...pretty photos. But not God.

As long as they are not open to practicing the Catholic Faith as a couple, they would be lying to God Almighty before a crowd of witnesses as to their intentions.

Really, you can't want that for your daughter, can you?

-- Anna <>< (flower@youknow.com), March 26, 2003.

Well it sounds to me like these two love birds want to have the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony witnessed by all of their friends and familiy as well as the entire world to view. Have them take the pre- nups anyway....so they can find out for themselves. How many years did you say this couple has been living together? Sounds like to me they may already be "legally married" the rom

-- Pat Collins (Romulon11@angelfire.com), March 26, 2003.

Hi Arial,

I am sorry about your sister-in-law may she rest in the peace of Christ.

Your daughter and her future spouse may have good intentions. We can't tell from these posts. If they do want to return to the faith they need to walk in the front door. Recall this scripture from John 10:1

"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door but climbs in by another way, that man is a thief and a robber;"

Catholic marriage is intended to empower the couple for their journey with special graces. These graces cannot be adequately used by someone not living the Catholic faith and may even harm the marriage (I am not sure on that last point). It would be like me, a librarian, with no training in law enforcement, putting on a police uniform and pretending to be a police officer. I would have no training and no authority. Or if I was suddenly and unscrupulously validly authorized to be an officer of the law, then the world and myself are in trouble because I am totally unqualified. The analogy works better when talking about the sacrament of Holy Orders but I think it can be stretched to see an analogy to Marriage also.

Sincerely

-- Mike H. (michael.hitzelberger@vscc.cc.tn.us), March 26, 2003.