I just found this forum today and after reading some of the messages here I thought I would ask for a prayer and maybe some good advice.

Anyway, my problem has to do with the lack of love in my life.

I’m 27 and I have yet to even meet a decent girl that I even want to pursue. It just feels like my life isn’t going any place. I’ve been very successful on my own, but always said inside. So far every relationship I’ve had has been short and never a two way street. It doesn't appear that there are any decent young catholic women out there. Most say that they are catholic, but what they do and what they say are two different things. Most have slept with many guys and continue to do so. They just claim that they don’t follow ‘all’ the teachings of the Catholic Church. This troubles me and I usually just end up getting rid of those girls. Am I wrong for this? I have chosen to be patient and respect my faith, but that just doesn't work in today’s society. It only brings sorrow to my heart. How long do I have to wait around for God to give me a decent girl? Does one even exist? How do I know that god even wants this for me? I’m the type of person that likes to leave my life in Gods hands, but so far nothing pure has come my way. Nothing seems like it was meant to happen.

-- kev (magiccarpetride_@hotmail.com), April 05, 2003

Answers

Hi Kev Im also 27 and also a bachelor so perhaps not the best person to give advice on your love life! My old reaction would have been dude drop the religious trip and just roll with your feelings, the right girl will pop up soon enough. How do you know what icecream you like if you dont try a few flavours etc. But Im realising that we can never put our faith on the backburner like that and good on you for being so strong, I certainly am not quite so able to resist the "temptations of the flesh" so to speak, but Im getting better.

Right then what should you be doing... You seem to be expecting things from God, he owes us nothing though at times it seems like lifes unfair. Just relax brother find peace and happiness in yourself first and you will find your true path. Not all of us are called to marriage, and we cant see Gods plan so just enjoy the ride. My prayers are with you, say a prayer for me also as this is an area of my life that is less than holy.

-- Kiwi (csisherwood@hotmail.com), April 05, 2003.

I applaud both you gentlemen as it is truly difficult to follow strict adherences to a " blueprint " for a lifestyle as a Catholic. I have over my lifetime often wondered why there is so much focus on sexual matters in the Church.

Were it a perfect world we would all sleep well at night and awaken with the view of a happy child. Our emotional health and well being is essential also.

With that said - to deny oneself a healthy sexual life and I am not speaking here of bed-hopping - rather as adults should the desire be their to help in forming a healthy human being my thoughts are to not be so hard on yourselves.

I would rather deal with a confused individual regarding his/her sexual life then a neurotic who has attempted to sublimate these drives and needs into self hatred low esteem.

I was totally celibite for a five year period when I was in discernment for priesthood. I recall a calmness in me that came after a few years.

My decision to not become a priest led me back into the " world " resulting in a healthy sexual relationship with a woman I have known over eight years. - End of post -

-- jean bouchard (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), April 05, 2003.

I cannot offer the following with any kind of personal endorsment, as I have no personal experience with it. But I do know one 40ish couple who met through this site, and are now happily married (they were living 15 miles from each other, but would probably never have met otherwise). So I list this in case someone might find it interesting, subject to your own discernment ...

http://www.catholicsingles.com/welcome_to_catholic_singles.html

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), April 05, 2003.

Kev,

You are doing the right thing. When husband and wife "make love" they are sharing in a act of love that God made for married people to enjoy and become one. This is NOT a act where one [per]forms. It is act of love that is given to us from our Creator, and is a serious sin to abuse this. This can be controlled with prayer and a desire (like you have) to become closer to God.

Kiwi, Good post buddy!

Jean,

"..to deny onself of a healthy sexual life- and I'm not speaking of "bed hopping".

Jean, what if you and your Lady friend have a fight and she "drops you like a hot potato"? What is your barometer for bed hopping? Will you meet another Lady fiend and have sex with her? In your mind you think you are correct, but you didn't give Kev. Catholic advice like he requested.

I suggest if you realy love your Lady friend than marry her. But maybe its time at 58 to give up your sinful ways. You are better off without her if you don't love her enough to marry her and you continue to live a life of sin.

I would ask you to please pray about this. You should set a better example for your niece and the young people you work with. Its not bad enough that you live this sinful life, but now you brag about this to a young man trying to live a pure life. Please rember you don't make your own rules for the Church.

Its people like you thats the reason there are over 30,000 Protestant demonations out there. They make up rules as they go along.

May God have mercy on you for the advice you gave this young man trying to live a Catholic life.

-- David (David@excite.com), April 05, 2003.

David - your very funny as I knew someone would bring forth their halo and shine it in front of the members. You choose your life and relationship with Christ and I choose mine. OK?

Three women in 58 years is not a bad track record and all being long term. BTW - the only one that ended in bitterness and hate on her part was the mother of my son - my wife. She was sadly marred for life by the " do -rights. " - End of personal history -

-- jean bouchard (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), April 06, 2003.

Kev,

Great question(s) and being that I am single and 38, I think I can speak from experience on this subject! First of all, you're only 27 - relax my friend! And I say that in an encouraging way. There are in fact quality, Catholic women out there, just not as many as you or I would like, and just not as easy to meet as we would ideally have it. As for are you wrong for getting rid of "those girls", only you can answer that. And I suspect you already know the answer. You need to determine what is most important for you and then pray about it. And then repeat this, over and over. And it sounds like you've already done as much. So, persistence is the word of the day.

As for timing, that is a tricky one. I have tried to surrender my own timeline and simply pray for acceptance of whatever He has in store for me. Clearly this is easier said than done, as you know...

What I hear in your post is that you're a little discouraged and wondering how much longer you need to show patience. As for the discouragement, you're human, and I feel your pain. Prayer is the only cure for this. As for patience, hang in there. He truly does know what is best for us, and when you do end up meeting 'the one', you will only appreciate her all the more.

By the way, I am currently on Catholic Singles.com - it's okay. I'd encourage you to try it for a month or two. If you haven't already done so, you might look into whether there are any Catholic Singles organizations/functions in your area/parish/city/diocese.

Finally, I picked up a 64 page pocket reference guide entitled "Knowing God's Will Made Easier" that I have personally enjoyed and found helpful and inspiring. It is printed by Hendrickson Publishers out of Peabody, Mass.

Closing thought: "The Lord is good to everyone who trusts in Him, So it is best for us to wait in patience." Lamentations 3:25 RSV

God bless.

-- Bob M (itsallgood777@hotmail.com), April 07, 2003.

just to be clear on one thing - the Church will expect any offspring to be brought up as Catholics, but it does not "require" that Catholics marry Catholics. therefore, the search for a Catholic bride is a result of a personal preference.

IMHO, falling in love is an involuntary thing. you do not chose to fall in love with X but not Y. if X happens to be non-Catholic, are you correct in denying your emotions? not as straightforward as that.

this beautiful women that makes you happy. if you love her, marry her and produce little Catholic babies. pray that she might too embrace the Church but do not judge her. that is God's job.

-- Ian (ib@vertigfo.com), April 07, 2003.

My morning habit is to read my bible for an hour with the first injection of caffeine. This morning reading took me to OT -Ezra Chapter 9 regarding mixed marriages.

In that place and time the Jews were begining to re-establish themselves after the Exodus. The issue of mixed marriages was brought forth and it was resolved by excluding all that where not of Jewish mothers.

Now were we to look at the Church as both Bride and Mother of Mankind the above exclution by birth and rites are no longer valid.

Why? - Christ's death and ressurection ended the Old Covenant therefore should we believe in HIS teachings and extablishment of HIS Spiritual Church then surely it is rational to accept all those who follow in HIS footsteps are saved.

May I suggest some dep reading around and during the time of 360 AD which shows the turmoil of the church and the decision of " elected " men and their solution.

This solution was not confronted until the time of Martin Luther as the church had sadly soiled itself deeply by then. Perhaps now in the present time a cleansing will take place.

I recall in April '95 I believe when the Pope represented the Roman Church and gave a half-hearted apology to the Jewish people regarding the Holocaust and the non-involvement of the Pope at the time to speak out.

World wide was heard the swish of clerical robes in the Vatican as they simply brushed away the dirt from their hems.

Point being time for change.

-- jean bouchard (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), April 07, 2003.

Jean,

Not sure what your last post all meant, but I feel the need to correct one point of your post. You stated that "Christ's death and ressurection ended the Old Covenant...".

This is completely false. Jesus came to fulfill the Old Covenant. Only those rules and restrictions that the Holy Spirit guided Her Church to discard (such as certain food restrictions, offering sacrifices as none are now needed due to Jesus' sacrifice, etc.) are no longer part of our New Covenant.

I'll let the Catechism state this:

121. "The OLD Testament is an indispensable part of Sacred Scripture. Its books are divinely inspired and retain a permanent value,[Cf. DV 14.] for the OLD COVENANT has never been revoked. "

God Bless.

-- Glenn (glenn@nospam.com), April 07, 2003.

just to be clear - "it [the Church] does not "require" that Catholics marry Catholics. therefore, the search for a Catholic bride is a result of a personal preference"

whilst i believe this to be true, marriage to a baptised non- Catholic requires express permission, and marriage to a non-baptised requires express dispensation, from the bishop. this will involve undertaking, inter alia, to remain in the faith and to raise kids in the faith.

-- Ian (ib@vertigfo.com), April 08, 2003.

Jmj

You're right, Glenn ... and that's not the only thing Monsieur Bouchard slipped on.

He wrote: "I recall in April '95 I believe when the Pope represented the Roman Church and gave a half-hearted apology to the Jewish people regarding the Holocaust and the non-involvement of the Pope at the time to speak out."

THREE more errors by Jean ...

First, the "Roman Church" is the Diocese of Rome. One does not refer to the "Catholic Church" as the "Roman Church."

Second, when the pope expressed an apology, he was not "represent[ing]" the Catholic Church -- in the sense of apologizing for alleged errors or sins made by the Church per se. That would be impossible, because the Church herself does not err nor sin. Instead, as the pope clearly stated, he was apologizing for the sins of certain sons and daughters of the Church. It was a certain limited number of individual Catholic people, not the Church herself, who contributed to the Holocaust. [By the way, almost half the people killed in the Holocaust were non-Jews.]

Third, when the pope made an apology, his words had nothing whatsoever to do with any alleged "non-involvement of the Pope at the time to speak out." Again, we have here the false charge against Pope Pius XII. On more than one occasion at this forum, people have proved to the adulterous Monsieur Bouchard that his complaint against Pius XII holds no water. But, with his mind closed to the truth, he keeps bringing this nonsense up again and again, adding another slander against a holy pope to his list of mortal sins. (May God have mercy on his soul.)

St. James, pray for us.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), April 11, 2003.

The stupidest aspect of this whole anti-Pius XII bigotry is that it was started by a third-rate off-Broadway play called "The Deputy", which made its debut a few years after Pius XII's death. Before this work of fiction introduced the ridiculous notion that the Pope had collaborated with the Nazis, it was common knowledge that he had been the champion of the Jewish people during the Holocaust. He received awards and commendations from Jewish leaders after the war, thanking him for his tireless efforts on behalf of the Jewish people. His personal efforts are credited with saving more than 800,000 lives, a fact stated in "Three Popes and the Jews", a thoroughly researched tome written by the Israeli consul, Pinchas E. Lapide (New York: Hawthorn Books, Inc., 1967).

In the January 26, 1998 issue of Time magazine the claim is made that the Catholic Church apologized for "collaborating with the Nazis during World War II." Even the new Holocaust Museum in New York unjustly criticized Pope Pius XII for being silent during World War II.

How history changes when subjected to popular myth for enough time! Compare the above statement of the public press with the following editorial which appeared in The New York Times on December 25, 1941:

"The voice of Pius XII is a lonely voice in the silence and darkness enveloping Europe this Christmas... he is about the only ruler left on the Continent of Europe who dares to raise his voice at all... the Pope put himself squarely against Hitlerism... he left no doubt that the Nazi aims are also irreconcilable with his own conception of a Christian peace."

And then, a year later, as the war still raged, December 25, 1942:

"This Christmas more than ever he is a lonely voice crying out of the silence of a continent... Pope Pius expresses as passionately as any leader on our side the war aims of the struggle for freedom when he says that those who aim at building a new world must fight for free choice of government and religious order. They must refuse that the state should make of individuals a herd of whom the state disposes as if they were lifeless things."

This is the voice, reaching out to us from the not so distant past, of the one whom Time Magazine identifies as a Nazi collaborator. Hopefully most of the articles they publish are more thoroughly and objectively researched than this one was.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), April 11, 2003.