I am a Catholic who is married to a non-catholic performed by a non-denominational minister. We were not married in the Catholic church because my husband was previously in a Catholic marriage (now divorced and presumably annulled by ex). Since a)he believes annulments are hypocritical, and b) I was away from the church at the time of our wedding, we were not married in the Catholic church. Now that I have returned to the church, I would like our children to be baptized in the Catholic church (they were not baptized at birth). My question is: why do I have to have my marriage blessed in order to have my children baptized? I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

-- Annette (russelld@xcelco.on.ca), May 08, 2003

Answers

Response to catholic married to non-catholic wants children baptized

Dear Annette,

You DO NOT have to have your marriage blessed in order to have your children baptized. That was bad advice.

The Church wants to know if you will bring them up as Catholics. If you say and mean(hopefully) you will they can be baptized.

But from the Church's perspective isn't it just a little odd to want your kids baptized but not take the appropriate steps to be fully a part of the Church?

Give it a thought and best wishes.

Karl

-- Karl (Parkerkajwen@hotmail.com), May 08, 2003.

Response to catholic married to non-catholic wants children baptized

Jmj
Hello, Annette.

I believe that Karl's response is partially incorrect.
You wrote: "... [W]hy do I have to have my marriage blessed in order to have my children baptized?"
The fact that you worded the question in this way indicates that a priest (or a Catholic friend?) gave you this information.

The Code of Canon Law requires that certain things be true before a pastor can agree to baptize children. One of these is worded as follows: "... it is required ... that there be a well­founded hope that the child will be brought up in the Catholic religion. If such hope is truly lacking, the baptism is, in accordance with the provisions of particular law, to be deferred and the parents advised of the reason for this."

A priest may have judged (or may judge in the future) that your irregular marital situation does not give him the "well-founded hope" required by the above canon. A bishop may choose to order his priests to delay baptism in situations like yours.

You said that the man whom you love "believes annulments are hypocritical". His action (i.e., his INaction) says that he "believes" something else too: that he doesn't care about the fact that you are in an adulterous relationship, one that keeps both of you from receiving the Body and Blood of Jesus.

I'm sorry if the following sounds cruel to you, but it is my way of showing you "tough love," so that you may see how serious the situation is. You said that you "feel stuck between a rock and a hard place." Yes. You are stuck between a "rock" (the rock of Peter, who binds and looses) and a "hared place" (the hard heart of the man you love). Please pray for him to seek a Declaration of Nullity from his marriage to the other woman; or -- if she has already obtained one, pray for him to seek the Church's convalidation of your not-yet-valid "marriage."

God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), May 09, 2003.

Response to catholic married to non-catholic wants children baptized

Dear Annette

Just to inform you that J.F.Gecik has taken the effort and his precious time to advice you within his best of knowledge and understand of the Catholic Faith. He NEVER claim or self-appoint himself as an expert in this forum. He did his best to help others but unfortunately the there are are a group of evil people who try to discredit him or even to 'destroy' him by asking you not to listen or trust him.

Please do not listen to those people who ask you not to trust J.F.Gecik. Is is them that you must not trust. They do noting in this beautiful Catholic forum except to critise every good man who are trying their best of ability to help.

Now beware of Wayne Maine.

God bless you Annette and keep up the good work John.

-- Vincent Koh (vincentkoh@pd.jaring.my), May 11, 2003.

Response to catholic married to non-catholic wants children baptized

Dear Annette,

I am not sure how my answer substantially differed from John's. But rest assured that down the line his answers are typically orthodox so when he is attacked unjustly, especially when he is attacked unjustly, even those of us who have crossed swords with him MUST stand together with him in the defense of truth. For that is really the pursuit of Christ, who is the way, truth and life.

My experience came from the fact that my wife and her civilly married lover (to her) remain together as husband and wife with the approval of the Catholic Church in spite of the fact that the Roman Rota, the Papal Court which decides appealed decisions and whose members generally the best of the best, has ruled that her marrioage to me is a SACRAMENT. They had their children baptized in the Catholic Church. So, in the face of PROVEN, PUBLIC, UNREPENTANT ADULTERY the Catholic Church does not normally refuse to baptise a child.

To be completely fair, the children were born and baptised before the final decision was issued; but the presumption of the Church, by Canon Law as well as sound Moral Theology, has always been in the favor of the marriage until proven otherwise with Moral Certainty.

Thus this is the background upon which I based my comment that you do not have to have your marriage blessed to have your children baptized. I stand by my assessment and STILL agree with what John said.

Please let me add:

Annulments ARE NOT hypocritical.

There are solid reasons which the Church has shown, through sound jurisprudence and theological reasoning, wherein apparently valid marriages are, upon careful and honest scrutiny, clearly shown to have never existed as a SACRAMENTAL MARRIAGE. These are those which the Church, rightly, upon receiveing a petition from either or both marital partners, can arrive at a decision finding in favor of nullity. This means the SACRAMENTAL MARRIAGE never existed.

Wrongly granted annulments ARE HYPOCRITICAL, extremely unjust, gravely wrong and more frequent than people know or will accept.

Thank you.

Karl

-- Karl (Parkerkajwen@hotmail.com), May 11, 2003.