Liturgical bloopers?

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I'm curious... have you ever goofed when trying serve the Lord solemnly within the highest activity of the Church? Ever seen anything that made you wince but also (sorely) tempted you to laugh, or drove you to cry?

Some examples:

-When receiving Communion from the cup, it was more full than I expected and I managed to spill some drops onto my shirt. What's worse, I was wearing a deep red shirt. Following a friend's recommendation, I soaked it and let it evaporate in the sun. But I could never be sure the stain was gone, since I never saw it in the first place. *_*

-Despite the fact that my alb falls a good two inches above my ankles, I still manage to find new and interesting ways to trip on it.

-After the Gospel, I walked back towards the sacristy with the thurible, but swung it too low. It bounced, and a spark caught on the carpet... which I discreetly put out with my foot.

-A priest I know swung the thurible too high and knocked the flagon off the altar, which (because it was _not_ made out of regulation materials) shattered on the floor. Fortunately this happened before Consecration - I wouldn't want to imagine the penance!

-"A Reading from the Letter to the Romulans"

:) I have more, but I imagine I'm not the only one.

-- Skoobouy (skoobouy@hotmail.com), June 08, 2003

Answers

Skoobury, there must be thousands like that out there!

When they were younger my son and daughter were serving Mass together. My son was carrying the processional cross in front, my daughter and another girl carrying candles behind. My daughter set my son's hair alight, then to remedy the situation she slapped him about the head :-) It worked.

I once was godparent to a child who was 18 months old. When the priest handed the parents the baptismal candle, the child started to sing 'happy birthday to you' :-)

God bless

Sara

-- Sara (sara_catholic_forum@yahoo.co.uk), June 08, 2003.


Here are a few:

"Let us greet our celebrant with "Hail Holy Queen" (from a musician)

"A reading from the letter of Paul to the Filipinos"

"The Holy Spirit, the Parakeet"

And one I heard this year, during the reading of the Passion:

"Buffets" pronounced as "boo-fays" when reading "buffets and spitting".

We all mean well, we do!

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), June 08, 2003.


Whew- this brings back memories. I can remember one lector in particular who always pronounced the word psalm as palm. "The response to the Palm is..."

-- Catherine Ann (catfishbird@yahoo.ca), June 08, 2003.

Once as an altar boy, my job was to hold the flat metal catcher (I haven't clue what the official name of that thing is) under everyone's chin to catch the host in case they dropped it. As with any repetitive task, you tend to get into a rhythm and one time as the person took the host into their mouth, I was prematurely pulling the catcher away when I noticed the host flip back out (must have hit the teeth or soemthing), so I over-react swinging that catcher back into place . . . just as the person was leaning forward to try to catch the host with their mouth . . . and yep, I slapped him right in the neck with that catcher . . . messy, very messy.

A near miss occurred one midnight Christmas Mass when I was asked to hold the incense burner at the front of the altar as all of the people flowed from one area of the church to the main sanctuary . . . all 1,500 of them in single file procession . . . I'm standing there (10 years old) holding burning incense that was so smoy it was obscuring my vision and filling my head . . . as I swayed back and forth for 20 minutes, twice nearing passing out from the fumes . . . near miss only thought. I stayed on my feet :-)

First time I served as an altar boy, the priest recruited me as an 8 year old as I walked in the door to 8:00 Mass. I didn't have a clue as to what to do but the priest walked me through it with verbal queues whispered from the side of his mouth and various head nods that I had to try to figure out. There was an entire series of gaffs that the 100 or so people attending were most kind enough to overlook, until of course I tried repeatedly to blow the candles out without any success . . . I kept at it for at least 6-7 times until a man had mercy on me and brought me the candle snuffer. I looked at the priest to see if he was upset with me but he was too busy trying to hide his laughter (shaking from top to bottom) to have offered me any assistance.

Dave

-- non-Catholic Christian (dlbowerman@yahoo.com), June 09, 2003.


During a graveside service following a funeral Mass, the priest took out a small portable sprinkle bottle of holy water (sort of like a salt shaker) and tried to sprinkle holy water on the casket, but none came out. So he took the cover off the bottle, and found a seal over the opening. He tried to pick it off without success, then pressed rather hard on it with his thumb. The seal suddenly let go so that the priest's thumb was driven into the small bottle, causing most of its contents to squirt out, right up his sleeve. The bottle was stuck on his thumb for a few moments, but he finally got it off, then handed it to the deacon to hold while he attempted to pour the remaining holy water out of his sleeve and back into the bottle. By this time several people, including the son of the deceased, were having a very difficult time suppressing laughter.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), June 09, 2003.


1 Corinthians 15:54 says ...
"And when this which is corruptible clothes itself with incorruptibility, and this which is mortal clothes itself with immortality, then the word that is written shall come about: 'Death is swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?'"

On at least one occasion, I have heard a reader get careless with the second phrase, resulting in ...
"... and this which is mortal clothes itself with immorality, ..."

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), June 09, 2003.


You know you are a true catholic when, in "Star Wars", the actor says, "The force be with you". and you answer, "and also with you".

God Bless,

-- john placette (jplacette@catholic.org), June 10, 2003.


okay, ive got a few...

first, despite the fact that we tested new altarservers with a dose of incence in the thurible, there were always more than a few who would have to sit down sometime on the steps of the altar from the smoke... maybe i should have put more in than the priests do (i was the head altar server of my parish, in charge of teaching the youngers).

once while serving an easter mass, during a baptismal annointing with oils (the new oils in the new crystal jars our parish had just purchased) the priest handed the lid of one of the oils to my assistant, who promptly let it fall and shatter on the floor. despite the initial worries, there was laughing all around, and the priest actually handed her another bottle to hold as well, instead of me as a show of confidence. she was a wreck for the rest of mass though...

okay, i saved the best for last. we were singing a song about the creation and the glory of God. the line was " and great beasts abound." but our cantor, a loving old then seventy year old man, sang out proudly, "and great breasts abound..."

-- paul (dontsendmemail@notanaddress.com), June 10, 2003.


There is a reader at our church who always pronounces "eunuchs" as "yoo-noo-cheez"!

-- Theist Gal :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), June 10, 2003.

anyone who does liturgical music would relate to this one, I started out the entrance hymn but forgot to capo the guitar, the song was way too low for anyone to sing, and it was too late to begin over because the priest was on his way up the aisle. Had to stop before he even got to the altar. Quite embarassing.

-- Theresa Huether (Rodntee4Jesus@aol.com), June 14, 2003.


That's punishment, Theresa, for using a profane instrument in a sacred place!
John (ex-organist)
[Jest kidding!]

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), June 15, 2003.

Ok, St. Paul takes it on the chin with: The letter to the Coliseum The letter to the Galaxians The letter to Phillipines The letter to the Corrinathans.

People would attend mass where this lector was scheduled just to see where Paul would be writing next!

-- Cathy Smith (Cathyrabbit@hotmail.com), January 13, 2004.


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