How do I leave my Mentally Abusive Husband

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I have been married to my husband for 11 years. We have known each other for 22 years. My husband is a very verbally abuse husband. He likes to remind you of how fat you are, how ugly you are, and if you ever leave you can go live in that rat hole you came from. He tells my children they are stupid and will never amount to anything, and when I leave him, he threatens to kill himself. The last time he threatened it, I came back to find him passed out in bed with a gun propped up on the pillow. I came back to him in fear that he might kill himself or me for that matter. I can't take it anymore.. I just want to leave, but now, I don't know how to.. Help..

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2003

Answers

You need to go to a domestic violence shelter to have a safe place to stay away from him. While you are there you can get more support from other women who have been in similar circumstances to you and find support that you can leave. My parents were married for 12 1/2 years and my father was emotionally abusive. A lot of what he said and did (not the gun) sounds like what you've described. My mother got out. My father even cheated on her several times while they were married. My mother, and her two small children (I was 5 and my sister was 1 1/2) got out and started over. She had a small support group through people at church and her parents were in the area. If she can do it, you can do it too.

-- Anonymous, June 18, 2003

My husband is also verbally abusive. We have been married for almost 18 years. He goes into a rage when things do not go his way. It is unpredictable, I never know when he is going to explode. Last night he accused me of stealing from him and lying to him. I know nothing about what he is talking about. That is not the way you treat someone that you love. I decided about two years ago that I would not take his hurtful words anymore lying down. I now raise my voice back at him and let him have it, but last night and this morning it did no good, he just got angier. He left for work in a rage this morning. He is so self centered that he does not want to see that he is the one with the problem. I wish I could get him to leave sometimes too. I do not deserve to be treated like this.

-- Anonymous, June 19, 2003

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