A presbyterian, a 'non-believer' hoping to convert to Catholicism and an Annulment

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Hello Everyone, I was wondering what the churches stance was on marriage which took place in a civil ceramony outside, between a non practicing presbyterian, a 'non believer'(that's me). I have grown up believing in the Holy Trinity my whole life, and due to a sad event when I was a baby, my parents faith was shaken which left me the only one in my family not baptized; allowing me to make my own decision on religion. When the time came for me to marry, I followed my heart into the marriage, and whilst I was prepared to go through the necessary steps to marry in the church, my husband said he did not want a church ceramony. For 11 years now I have not been to church. I am torn apart inside. I want to go to church but my husband wants nothing to do with it. I thought we were in this marriage together, but it seems on more than one level I was wrong . For several years now, I have contemplated leaving my husband, but the struggle with knowing the church would not approve has kept me here,along with our two children. If I decided to leave my husband, do you feel I would be able to obtain an annulment? I know in the eyes of the church as non catholics it shouldn't matter, but I wish to finally make my peace with God and join the church as I have so longed to do. If the church doesn't think I have a valid case I shall be content to remain simply seperated from my husband, but if there is a chance one day I find someone else commited to the faith like I am, and prepared to love and care for my children and I; as a new catholic, could my past come back to haunt me? In event anyone is curious, I wish to have my children baptized into the church as well. I would be most grateful for any replies concerning this matter, thank you. Warm Regards and may God bless you all. Elizabeth.

-- Elizabeth Reardon (icemaiden7371@msn.com), July 12, 2003

Answers



-- (top@top.top), July 12, 2003.

Elizabeth, Your marriage may very well be defective by form, meaning that a Writ of Nullity may very well be granted. Each diocese handles these cases a little different in procedure. Most are very, very close to the same.

But, the question remains: Should you abandon your marriage?

Talk to your local priest, if he can't counsel you, he will refer you to someone who can.

If you are near the Houston, Texas area, I can refer you to a very good counselor, who is a nun by the way.

Email me direct and I will give you her name, office #, etc.

God bless,

-- john placette (jplacette@catholic.org), July 14, 2003.


My opinion only,

It appears you have a natural marriage which the Latin Church will presume is valid, pending a petition for nullity. Most dioceses require a divorce before they will proceed with the nullity investigation.

The desire of the Church is to make valid even those marriages which are not found to be valid, but it cannot force such decisions.

Now, it sounds to me as if you are living with your husband but you would consider a divorce in order to seek a decree of nullity, to pursue Catholicism.

I seem to recall some scriptural advice about bringing your spouse to God through your personal holiness. It seems you have given up that quest.

Is he forbidding you to become a Catholic? Would he forbid you to have your children baptized as Catholics? These are unanswered questions. All is possible if at worst your husband would not hinder you. He does not have to become Catholic.

You should be as explicitly clear as you can in order to get sound advice.

Karl

-- Karl (Parkerkajwen@hotmail.com), July 14, 2003.


Thanks so much for your replies, I appreciate everyones advice and have considered it long and hard. Thank you John for your willingness to obtain council for me; alas, I am not in or near Houston. Thank you everyone else for your advice. For those interested, I know leaving my marriage is a big step, and one I have not taken lightly. Many people these days at the first sign of trouble turn and run, well I can assure you all that I have not been hasty in my reflections. More than half my married life has been unhappy; and not just due to religious aspects. I ask myself daily whether it's better to stay and allow the children to see the hurt and growing hostility between my husband and I, which I hasten to add, I do not instigate when the children are around. Unfortunately, my husband hasn't quite the same compunction; to the point where my children have commented to family and friends and possibly even at school, that "Daddy makes Mummy cry" and my son has often commented he doesn't like his father, even though he does love him. When I made my marriage vows, I intended to remain married, and would possibly stay that way if children weren't involved. I could have carried on indefinitely making a life for myself within the confines of marriage, but children ARE involved and are being effected by the unpleasant atmosphere. I don't agree with divorce as such, that is why I am seeking advice as to the possibility of an annulment. If I can't obtain an annulment, I may still leave, but just remain seperated, as I have no desire to wed again; however, I can't know what the future holds, and perhaps I shall revise this view in time. If my husband decides he wants a divorce so as to marry again, I want a clean slate. I don't want my children to have bear the burden of an unholy union. So I guess I'm not just thinking of myself in this, I no more want my husband to make an unholy union, than I do for myself. Thank you once again. I shall post again after I have spoken to the new Priest in our diocese. God bless you all. Elizabeth

-- Elizabeth Reardon (icemaiden7371@msn.com), July 17, 2003.

Elizabeth. Maybe there's another path. One sanctioned by the bible itself. The scripture talks about the love of God being perfect, kind and never failing (1 Corinthians 13). I would encourage you to seek that love from God through Jesus, our Lord. It is ultimately God's will to have us involved in the church, but there is no reason you can't have a personal relationship with God through Jesus. Ask Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit, and study his word. Ask God to fill your life with His love, and then share that with your husband and children. I agree with the priest who talked about winning your husband with your Godly conduct. Read also 1 Corinthians 7. And be prepared to let God's love fill you. Then ask the question again about leaving the marriage.

My prayers are with you.

In Christ,

Carey

-- Carey Nieuwhof (cnieuwhof@trinitycommunity.org), July 23, 2003.



Thanks Carey for your reply. I have been taking a long hard look at myself and my marriage since posting this message. My faith has strengthened and my resolve to sort my marriage out has firmed. God bless you all for caring enough to contribute. Elizabeth

-- Elizabeth Reardon (icemaiden7371@msn.com), July 27, 2003.

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