Here is the condensed version of my story: My family had no religious preference when I was young so I attended the Catholic Church with my best friends family until I was 13. My father was "born again" when I turned 14 and refused to allow my sister and I to continue to attend Mass. I was baptized as a Southern Baptist at 18 (I am now 40). After many years living as a protestant, I have come to realize my need and desire for the Church never left me and am starting RCIA classes in September. Here is my problem; I was married in a protestant church at age 25 to a baptized Catholic who had been divorced and never had his first marriage anulled (his wife was also a baptized Catholic but they were not married in the Church and as far as I know never got permission to marry in a civil ceremony.) He left me before we had been married two years for another woman and we were divorced. I then remarried a baptized protestant man who had previously been married in the Catholic Church and as far as I know, that marriage was not anulled either. I knew as I was walking down the aisle that I should not be marrying this man as he had been a drug addict and was exhibiting signs of relapse. When he sold everything we had for drugs over a period of time and we became homeless, I realized that I had made a grave mistake and could not stay with him as I had small children to raise, and this was no kind of environment for them. We were also divorced and he is currently serving time in prison. I am now married a wonderful man who I had lived with for 5 years before committing to marriage (I was a little gun-shy to say the least) and am concerned about the validity of my current and previous marriages with regard to the Church (my current husband is a baptized protestant and ours is his first marriage). My husband is encouraging my desire to become Catholic but I am worried that the status of my previous marriages may make it impossible for me be accepted fully by the Church. I would like to know what I may be up against before beginning RCIA classes.

-- Teri D. (mikeandteri@wideopenwest.com), July 25, 2003

Answers

Teri, You are a blessed child of God. You have been though a lot and still are trying. This a a gift of perserverence.

Regarding your marriages: a marriage is considered valid, until it is established by a tribunal that it is null. An annullment is a declaration of nullity or a writ of nullity by a tribunal.

From your description, I can see some valid points that a tribunal would consider in your case.

The best thing to do is to talk with your priest or diocesean tribunal office. He/they will guide you.

The tribunal process may be long and hard, but it will be well worth it in the long run. You've come so far, it's downhill from here.

All of us stumble. Many of us get caught up in situations that are tragic. We are a work in progress.

Please, please continue with the RCIA. Your husband sounds wonderful (due to his encouragement).

Keep going. God bless,

-- john placette (jplacette@catholic.org), July 25, 2003.

To the two Johns, whomever they may be, thank you for your posts. I appreciate each one for what they bring to mind that I must pray about.

You are correct in your judgement of me John, my life has been full of deception in one form or another. All have sinned and fallen short of His glory. I perhaps more than many others. The Lord has led me to this place in my life for a reason. I believe it is so He can draw me even closer to Him through the Church, which I have come to believe is the only true way to fully commune with Him. No one here can understand all the circumstances that have brought me to this moment of revelation, and this forum is not the place to lay out my soul for your inspection. The Lord knows my heart and my intent and will guide me where he chooses. Thank you for reading and responding to my post.

-- Teri D. (mikeandteri@wideopenwest.com), July 26, 2003.

Teri,

If you reposted your original post/question without any reasons, excuses or circumstances that 'caused' or 'fated' you to decisions made or decisions contemplated and simply posted your decisions and potential decisions compared to truth/God's word -- your answer(s) would be self evident...

-- Daniel Hawkenberry (dlm@catholic.org), July 26, 2003.

Daniel, I apologize for my poor form in posting my question to the forum. I had read many of the posts on this forum before asking my question and felt that some historic information might be necessary in order to direct me in the right way. I suppose I may come off as sounding like I am defending my sinful behavior but I assure you this is not the case. I take full responsibility for any and every choice I have made in my life. I was simply sharing the facts of my situation and asking for some clarification of the issues I may face upon beginning the process of converting to the Catholic Faith. Thank you for your response.

-- Teri D. (mikeandteri@wideopenwest.com), July 26, 2003.

Hi Teri,

I have some good news in that your pathway to the fullness of grace in a marriage to the man you love would appear to available as recognizable in the Catholic chuch. Without making light of your situation, the facts in your case would make an excellent law school question. In the following, I use the term marriage in reference to civil marriage and not sacramental marriage.

From the facts you have given, Your first marriage was to a Catholic that did not follow form in marrying you. This is called a documetary case and takes only a short time for a tribunal to determine nullity. Your second marriage, to a non-catholic christian, presents more difficulty, but it does not sounds like it is insurmountable. Your second husband may still be married to his first wife, in which case his marriage to you is invalid...or, in his marriage with you, it sounds as though there are many, many issues with both defective consent and simulation.

In any case, by all means move forward with your RCIA classes, and thank your present husband for being a loving man and in encouraging you to seek the truth and accept God's grace. I'll keep you and yours in my prayers today.

God bless you.

-- Pat Delaney (patrickrdelaney@yahoo.com), July 27, 2003.

Thank you Pat for your informative post and your kind prayers!

-- Teri D. (mikeandteri@wideopenwest.com), July 28, 2003.

Daniel, I'm so glad you're not God, then we all would be in trouble. I'm sure it took much for Teri to open up about something so intimate and painful. Daniel, what Teri is talking about is called "real life" and perhaps you should get one. Teri, you are in my prayers...

-- carlos (cvenlazalde@yahoo.com), July 31, 2003.

carlos,

I am happy for you and your "real life"...

-- eternal life... ah, there's the rub...

-- Daniel Hawkenberry (dlm@catholic.org), July 31, 2003.