why do I still care about him?

greenspun.com : LUSENET : domestic violence : One Thread

I left 6 months ago - I get strong and than I become weak and call him. I know I must be codependant. His new way to pull me in - using a woman I called my friend for the last 19 years - my fear of the affair - gives him leverage - I realize I'm very frightened - The next thing he does to hurt me is going to be how he wins.

How do I become stronger? I no longer need him - for financial support -

the following is one of his e-mails

My love, I have been trying to determine my fate, your fate, our fate based on the past three months of correspondence. I was almost ready to give up....you know my patience is short..but I have prevailed for once. YOU are my wife. YOU have sent a very directed message....I was invited (beyond a seconded class citizen, i.e. go to the back of the buss,) to the beach house, THANK YOU. I needed that! I love you, I tried to stay out of your hair too much, tried not to be a bother...Thank you for this weekend! I was so much relaxed, so much reliefed, so much comforting, that I am renewed....You have given me, our relationship hope beyond any wish that I had.... I am not sure why you have not given up, but I RESPECT you for us! I would like to pursue a real relationship with my wife! One with goals for the two of us! I know it will take time! But I am willing to make the commitment! I am committed to you in our marriage till death do we part! I meant that! when I said THAT! You and I don't see eye to eye, you more emotional - defining life's visions, me more finance focused, as what expense? That is not so bad, but at what cost? Do you think we can start over and focus first on each other, then upon each of your needs? Can you ever forgive me for all the ill's that I have caused you and Kyle. Can you see that my harshness was only to help you and Kyle. That I am a very demanding person, and that I do (really) have expectations from you. That being my WIFE, that I would like to be an equal in decisions made about us, Kyle, the dog, any new pets, any new beach houses.....and that I respect your opinion on fronts, YOU are my wife, and your opinion is of much importance to me. Off my soap box. I love you...I always have....It's been six months...should we share each other? Should we let by-gones be by-gones?......Should we wait forever? Should we both grow up? or should we keep with our isolation? The Question for both of us: is there a comfortable place that you and I can share? shall we let big wheels spin, or focus on us, your son, and our lives? What do think? Am I too philosophical? Just Remember.......I do still love YOU!

-- Anonymous, July 29, 2003


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