Jealousy

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MY fiancè and I have been together for 4 years, despite his jealousy. Next week I have spent an evening at my house with a female friend of mine. After the dinner was finished I have reached my finacè house. I was late on my schedule and he had tried to reach me: he was mad and thought I was away with my friend, having fun. He was aggressive once at his house I told him that I couldn't hear the phone cause I was watering the garden. I then kept my mouth shut and went to bed. We didn't talk for a couple of days and I thought that the issue was over. We went out for dinner on Sunday with this friend of mine and her fiancè. At the table she said something about the entire bottle of wine we drank together that night. Such statment triggered his rage and a big argument went on involving everybody and my friend who I am sure felt a little responsibile. I have felt so hurt, I still do not talk to him and I am thinking to leave him: His jealousy and possessivness drives me crazy. The worse part is that he is not able to control it?

-- Luisa Zecchinato (mluzec@tin.it), July 30, 2003

Answers

Luisa, You have identified an enormously important issue and how you and your finace resolve this may set the tone for many years. There are lots of themes which emerge in your question and I truly hope that you will find a reality therapist to discuss these with. You are certainly asking all the right questions and a short response just would not suffice or be respectful enough given the importance of the situation. Your fiance is responsible for his rage and I am wary of "triggers" as it may absolve him of his responsibility. Perhaps you and this fiance would want to see a couples counselor together. This situation has given you a great gift: use it wisely. All the best to you.

-- suzy hallock-bannigan (suzyatdonegal@aol.com), August 12, 2003.

Luisa, You have identified an enormously important issue and how you and your finace resolve this may set the tone for many years. There are lots of themes which emerge in your question and I truly hope that you will find a reality therapist to discuss these with. You are certainly asking all the right questions and a short response just would not suffice or be respectful enough given the importance of the situation. Your fiance is responsible for his rage and I am wary of "triggers" as it may absolve him of his responsibility. Perhaps you and this fiance would want to see a couples counselor together. This situation has given you a great gift: use it wisely. All the best to you. Call Linda Harshman at the Glasser Institute in Chatsworth, California to find an appropriate counselor near you.

-- suzy hallock-bannigan (suzyatdonegal@aol.com), August 12, 2003.

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