Hey Helen, so today is your birthday and you forgot to tell us? Well, Ms. Moderator and queen of all she surveys, including our favorite mascot, Mr. Mike Mule, let me be the first here, to wish you the happiest of birthdays! May all your dearest wishes come true, and your year ahead be truly magical!

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), September 27, 2003

Answers

Helen's birthday, huh? It must be nice. But, I didn't get no invite to no party. Oh, sure, it's lost in the mail again, is that it? Or, maybe you "temporarily misplaced" my address. Or maybe the hogs got into the post office again and ate all the stamps. Sure, sure, any excuse will do, but you KNOW it don't bother me none. 'Cause I don't need no birthday cake of consideration, I don't need no punch and party games of human kindness, I don't NEED no bows and ribbon to mark the joyous occasions of life, 'cause I aint got no joyous occasions!

But don't worry about ole Lon Frankenstein, no sir. I'll make do, just fine. I don't need to blow out the candles of rejection, don't need to make no wishes for compassion, don't need no horns or party hats to decorate the unrelenting greyness of a solitary existence. I don't need no chocklet kisses, no "air smoochies", and I sure don't NEED to be held in the vast shimmering firmness of Helen's busom, neither.

So don't worry none about me, no sir. I'll be fine, just fine.

And Helen, you know you're the sourkraut on my ruben, the marshmellow in my smores, the forgotten gummy bear in my tacklebox. I love you enough to give you a body part. No, really, I got extras.

-- Lon Frankenstien (evil@the.bayou), September 28, 2003.

Thanks Bee!

Mr. Frankenstien, please know that I hold you in the firm (yeah, right!) immensity (we could call it that, I guess) of my busom at all times.

-- helen (older@but.never.wiser), September 28, 2003.

Happy Birthday Helen!

How old are you? Huh? Huh? :-)

And to make Mr. Frankenstein feel better, here are some kisses:

You're not getting the chocolate ones. ;-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), September 28, 2003.

Helen, Happy Birthday!!!! (belatedly)

I was down t'wards your neck of the woods in Nashville, so I missed it :-(

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplaent.ent), September 29, 2003.

Happy Birthday Helen! I didn't know you were down by Tenneesseesseee. Hope you had a wonderful birthday, you deserve it!

-- (sonofdust@happy.birthday), September 30, 2003.

Thank you. I have to say it IS better to be older and not deader.

-- helen (but@no.wiser), September 30, 2003.