I have severe Cerebral Palsy and have PA'S 24hrs a day, my husband has CP too but very mild. We have a son coming up to 1 in the next few weeks, because I'm unable to do all the usual things that a Mother would do for her child I have many concerns about how he's perseavees me. He already realises that if he wants to be picked up he wont look at me but my PA or husband. He's very loving but it's starting to feel lately because he'd rather go to his Dad or someone else that I've had to work harder with him to be close to me. Rather him actually wanting me There must be other mothers out there in the same situation, I hink I would find it really helpfull if I could talk to someone that's been through the same.

Many Thanks

Lisa

-- Anonymous, December 02, 2003

Answers

It seems you and I are in exactly the same boat! I also have severe CP and employ my own PAs who work 24/7. My youngest daughter Lenna is 19 months old and at the moment, is going through the same as your son! I'm always the last person she wants to come to (unless she's poorly and wants someone to be sick on as she did the other night!) and she's a real Daddy's Girl. I put it down to the fact that, physically, I can do very little for her and rely on others to do things under my instruction. As yet, she cannot climb on to my lap of her own accord, although we're working on that, and sometimes when she does want me, by the time I've asked someone to pick her up for me, the moment's gone and she's off again. I am, however, fortunate enough to have another daughter, Ria, who is 7 years old so I have been down this road before. She went through exactly the same. I can assure you that although some things about having children get harder as they get older, this is one thing that will get better. I found with Ria that as she became more physically able to come to me herself, she came to me more. I can practically look after her on my own now because, for example she can wash, dress, bath, feed herself, etc, and I can just be there and guide her by talking her through what she needs to do. We're now very, very, close and have a wonderful relationship which gets better and better. Your partner and your PAs can help with this by ensuring that you're enabled to play and have fun with your baby. So often, my husband sees that Lenna and I are playing and having some special time with the help of one of my PAs and he just makes himself scarce and stays out of sight so that I can enjoy it without her becoming distracted by wanting him. I know that with Lenna it's a phase she'll grow out of because I have the experience of Ria and I'm sure it's the same for your little boy. At the end of the day, children don't appreciate our love for them until they can express their love to us and they also take their mothers for granted! We are the ones who are always there so they don't have to make the effort for us. Hang in there! You'll be doing a fantastic job. You're his mum and nothing can take that away!

-- Anonymous, December 19, 2003

I understand how you feel I am 33 years old married and have an eight year old son.I also have mild CP as does my husband. D

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2004

I understand how you feel I am 33 years old married and have an eight year old son.I also have mild CP as does my husband.In the beginning,it was hard for me also to develop the relationship between myself and my son but as time went by the bond got stronger. Dont be worried about how your son percieves you. Right now he is still very young. Continue to spend as much time with him so that you and him can bond. You are still his mom and he will love you regardless!

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2004

i WOULD LIKE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT ITS SO HARD TO BRING UP A CHILD AS A DISABLED AND FOR THE CHILD TO LOVE YOU MORE AS MOTHER , BUT DO NOT GIVE UP UNTIL YOUR CHILDREN ARE GROWN UPS TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THEIR MOTHERS WORLD. MY 13 YEARS HAD TOLD ME NEVER TO GO FOR AT SCHOOL WHEN SHE WAS ONLY FOUR YEARS.I ASKED HER WHY AND SHE TOLD ME THAT OTHER KIDS KEEP ASKING HER WHETHER AM HER MOTHER ,AND WHATS WRONG WITH MY LEGS, SHE DIDNT WANT QUETIONS AND THE ONLY IDEA SHE HAD TO AVOID IT WAS TO PUT ME OFF. SHE NOW REGRETS WHAT SHE SAID.SHE LOVES ME MORE AS SHE GROWS UP

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2004