Just to get a handle on the how badly my divorce impacted my family's financial picture, I did a five year cost analysis and WOW was I ever blown away. I did this at this time as I have finally just finished paying the divorce lawyer for all the litigation.

Although the divorce litigation costs were steep, about 80K total for both my wife and I, the real costs are associated with how the divorce impacts the tax picture in the ensuing years and the losses for not buying a house right before the real estate market began to bloom.

My wife decided to abandon the marriage just before we were about to purchase our first house. If we had bought a very small house in 2000, our family wealth would have increased 480K in the past 5 years in total. If we had bought a moderate sized house, this figure would have been closer to 875K. If we had been in any way aggressive in getting a larger but still moderate house (and we were well situated to do this), this lost wealth figure easily breaks the one million mark.

Instead, we blew all our savings and racked up big bills fighting over what amounts to almost nothing whatsoever.

Just a word to the wise. Don't do it.

-- Anonymous (anon@anon.com), February 25, 2004

Answers

Moderator, please delete this thread, which has nothing to do with Catholicism. Thank you.

-- (elsewhere@please.com), February 26, 2004.

The subtopic is Divorce-Annulment, so the shoe fits.

Hmmmm.....methinks somebody is feeling a wee bit temperamental?

-- Anonymous (anon@anon.com), February 26, 2004.

Well, if both of you chose to fight over every little thing, that's YOUR (both of you) fault.

If you both had been reasonable about things, had discussed splitting up the assets prior to seeing a lawyer, gone to your state's website and adhered to your state's guidelines on child support and so forth, used a paralegal or just had a judge review your agreement, you could EASILY have gotten out of your divorce for under $5000 in legal fees, total.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), February 26, 2004.

GT,

You are making the assumption that the decison to separate and divorce was in any way shared and done in advance through careful consideration. You are also making the assumption that both parties were in any way mutually open-minded and reasonable.

The fact in my case, is that if there was any mutual thinking done at all, there would have been some recourse to the natural and supernatural means to heal the marriage. Unfortunately, this was never done at all.

This is one of the things that make my case special. In my marital history, even before the separation started, one party made the absolute and completely incorrect assumption that the marriage did not in fact exist. Along with this was the imputation that the other party was evil to the core, and not to be trusted. So any form of negotiation was seen as manipulation and thus refused.

As a result of these assumptions, there was complete chaos. The devil had a field day.

-- Anonymous (anon@anon.com), February 27, 2004.

If you had said, "give her what she wants", you could have reduced your lawyer bill significantly. YOU (just you, in this case), chose to fight. Can't help you there. Also, apparently you live in some backwards state where they don't make you go through arbitration first (much cheaper for all).

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), February 27, 2004.

GT,

That may work in some circumstances, but not mine. After we separated, I spent a year giving her all that I had (including liquidating my pension and assuming her credit card debt) and ALL that I earned as she had no job and was a stay at home mother with our children.

I lived in friends basement during that time, desperately hoping and praying for a reconcilation. After a year, I realized something had to change so I asked a lawyer what I should do. He advised me to start reducing the amount I gave her to the state guideline amount. After I did that she filed for support in court insisting for the next year, without negotiation, on child support and alimony for an indeterminate period. At that point I let the lawyer do his work. It cost me 40K in fees, but saved me at least 80K, perhaps much more, in alimony.

But more importantly, I deeply loved this woman throughout the whole process. And I understood she did not know me for who I really am. Justice and truth were important to me, and they guided my actions, both for my sake and for her's.

-- Anonymous (anon@anon.com), February 28, 2004.

A bit off topic:

Why in the first place , some people get married , knowing they can't keep their hands of other persons ?? __ It's better for them to stop their relation , before they get marry , it's saves a lot of money & troubles !! __ btw , Marriage is a good thing , so , don't mess with it !!

Salut & Cheers from a NON BELIEVER:

-- Laurent LUG (.@...), February 28, 2004.