Dealing with sin in a relationship

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Hi,

I'm currently in a relationship with a nice woman that I have seen for a while. However, in growing deeper in love with each other, we have also fallen sometimes in grave sin. This happens only when she comes over to my place at night(I live in an apartment). I know that just avoiding that temptation will most likely keep any grave sin out, but the hard thing is that it never feels like it when she initially comes over. Our motives are never to sin together when she stops by, or any other time we are together. I just hate when I cave in to my passion and contradict my feelings about her and our future. Can you please help me see what I have to do? Because we have sinned together grievously (and we are both repentent), does this mean that a future marriage is impossible? Or, if we were to be married, does this mean that the marital act post-marriage is going to be lessened and not be a binding passion for a lifetime? Thank you so much for your replies

-- Paul Thomas (Lisztman1@hotmail.com), April 18, 2004

Answers

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-- (bump@bump.bump), April 18, 2004.

I woudl suggest you talk to this woman abotthis. I kno tyou have alread. Perhaps stop seeing her altogather for a week or two. ( not indeffenate, just a week or two.)

Maybe you shoudl just marry her.If, that is, you are both ready.

The passion may be decreased, as studies show happens wiht premature sexual relation, however, it is better this than sin. Besides, you may luck out andd it not be so bad for you and her.

-- ZAROVE (ZAROFF3@JUNO.COM), April 18, 2004.


Dear Zarove,

Thanks for the quick reply. I don't think right now we are ready for marriage; I haven't met her parents and family formally yet, though she has met mine (and my mom and family love her like a family member). We are also separated by religion too, and dealing with this somehow will probably take some time. I wish I could marry her, but I don't feel financially capable yet to support her and her kids. I'm going to pursue a higher education in order to have more financial security, as that is the role of a future father (to protect and to guide). I think, instead of guessing when the right time is, if I just let go and let God's Providence take over, then everything will fall into place as it should be. Either way, I have a friend for life whether I marry her or not. I want to abandon my desires, fears, concerns, and hopes to God's Divine Providence, for I don't want to be like one of those that St. Stephen condemns as "you always resist the Holy Spirit!". I think abandoning all is the only way to a successful relationship. Thanks

-- Paul Thomas (Lisztman1@hotmail.com), April 18, 2004.


Dear Paul,

I think you have answered your own question regarding what you have to do. You say you are both serious about avoiding sin. You say that avoiding the temptation would enable you to avoid the sin. You say you have identified the situation that repeatedly leads you into the temptation. So - don't have her over to your place at night! This is what the Church calls "avoiding the near occasion of sin".

The fact that you have sinned in the past certainly does not rule out a holy and happy marriage in the future, if all other circumstances are in order.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), April 18, 2004.


Hello Paul,

If you have not already gone, you are in grave need of going to confession. Talk to a priest and resolve to commit yourself to completely avoiding this sexual sin in the future. Also, avoid activities that may tempt you or draw you closer to sin (foreplay).

For more on this, check out these sites:

Pure Love

Chasti ty Questions

When you see her, do things with her and her kids to make sure that other people are there. Or get a babysitter and go out to a restaurant. But avoid having her over to your apartment alone, as this seems to be the main problem. Also, ask her to dress more modestly if she does not already, in order to help you resist temptation in your mind.

Check out this thread on Dealing with Sin

Whenever you are tempted, recite the verses below to yourself and ask for God's grace to overcome temptation and resist the devil. God will be faithful to help you because His best for you is to avoid this sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV) No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

James 4 (NIV) 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you.

This can be the day when you resolve to permanently abandon this sin and cling to Christ. Please make that commitment and be serious about keeping it. Read the Catholic Catechism and read your Bible for strength, and to see how serious and wrong sexual sin is in God's eyes. But also to see that God freely offers you forgiveness and freedom from the bondage of sin. Pray for God to offer you His grace, which is the only way we can do anything good.

God bless and I will pray for you.

-- Emily (jesusfollower7@yahoo.com), April 18, 2004.



Paul,

See also this thread for how God treats people when they come to Him in true repentance. God will reach out to you with His grace and accept you as one of His own. But He also says that with repentance, "Leave your life of sin." Paul, there is true freedom in abandoning sin and following Christ.

Can I still become a Catholic if I have a child born out of wedlock?

God bless,

-- Emily (jesusfollower7@yahoo.com), April 18, 2004.


Dear All,

Thanks for your replies; they are certainly what I need. I will go to confession as soon as I can, but she doesn't have that opportunity since she is not Catholic. Does that mean that though I may be stronger to avoid sin because of confession, she won't be because she doesn't have that sacrament?

We decided today to end things for a while, due to this and our religious differences. Hopefully, God will lead us into better understanding about ourselves and our relationship in the future if there is one. God bless

-- Paul Thomas (Lisztman1@hotmail.com), April 18, 2004.


Thanks for your replies; they are certainly what I need. I will go to confession as soon as I can, but she doesn't have that opportunity since she is not Catholic. Does that mean that though I may be stronger to avoid sin because of confession, she won't be because she doesn't have that sacrament?

You will have sacramental grace and she will not. It depends on where you start out as to whether you are stronger in resisting sin than she will be or not. This will happen a lot until she converts.

We decided today to end things for a while, due to this and our religious differences. Hopefully, God will lead us into better understanding about ourselves and our relationship in the future if there is one. God bless

God bless you too. Remember to pray for her.

In Christ,
Bill

-- Bill Nelson (bnelson45-nospam@hotmail.com), April 18, 2004.


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