Baptist/Catholic marriage question

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I am a Baptist who has been dating a Catholic for about 1 1/2 years. My question is: are there any other Baptist/Catholic couples who could give me advice on marrying a Catholic. Is it advisable? How did you raise your children? (I know that the Catholic partner must promise to raise the children Catholic) Did/does it cause problems in your marriage? If you are the Baptist partner, have your own Baptist beliefs been respected or overlooked?

Any other comments about this type of marriage would be helpful. I am just curious and respect, though do not fully agree, with Catholic teachings.

Thanks so much.

-- Rae (hatrick09@yahoo.com), June 04, 2004

Answers

Additionally, what about issues such as birth control and attending church/mass? How have you worked these issues out?

Again, your response is appreciated. Thank you.

-- Rae (hatrick09@yahoo.com), June 04, 2004.


Hi Rae,

Although a marriage between a Baptist and Catholic can work, I think it would be very difficult. Make sure that you establish ahead of time to understand all of the requirements that will be expected of you in a Catholic marriage. I suggest talking with a priest about this, and also with your pastor. Some people in this forum can also help you with the other questions you asked.

I am a Protestant who plans to become Catholic. I know that for me, I had many misconceptions about Catholic teaching while I was a Protestant. If you have any questions or concerns about what Catholics believe, please feel free to make a new thread to address them. It may turn out that we agree with you after all on some things.

Here are some past threads that might be of interest to you in your situation:

Successful Catholic courting with a Baptist

Check Andrew's comments here

confronting Baptist attacks

Sanctity of Marriage

Interfaith Marriage Threads

God bless you!

-- Emily ("jesusfollower7@yahoo.com), June 04, 2004.


rae, there are obviously certain understandings that must exist for this marraige to work out. here is a copy of a post i made to a catholic who was asking about interfaith marraiges and how to strike a good deal/balance. i think the terms herein would describe the necessary position of both spouses in regards to children in order to foster a household of respect for both viewpoints... i'll let the rest speak for itself (keep in mind, i directed this at a catholic, but this is what i would advise to all interfaith couples as the set procedure):

YOU must try to raise them catholic. you will have to promise that you will take them to mass, that you will teach them the precepts of the catholic church, and that they will be baptised in your church as soon as they are old enough to do so (VERY soon). Your wife must agree that she understands these promises on your part. Here you have a contention: most baptists dont agree with infant baptism, but you have to promise to have your children baptised. again, if the children want to get baptised again later because they want to be baptist, then thats fine and dandy, and im sure the baptists will view this baptism as a "prelim."

Essentially, you two should hash all this out BEFORE the wedding... namely, i would go for this:

1) baptised catholic as a baby. they can always get "rebaptised" in a baptist church if they choose that way.

2) They go to mass with you until they are of age to decide they do not want to be catholic (RE-- at least in their teens, but not before they develope mental maturity). Your wife may also decide to take them to whatever service she likes. (note, mass should be available on saturday evening if there is a time confliction, so that shouldnt be an issue).

3) You won't badmouth the baptist church to your children. when you explain the differences, you will do so together with your children and won't fall into useless bashing. Same thing goes for your wife when she discusses catholicism... no church bashing. Along that lines, you should read your catechism, and so should your wife. then you should go and visit/discuss things with the baptist minister and she should talk to your priest in a civil discussion of catholic/baptist beliefs and why each believe this way. if nothing else, this will deepen your understand for each other and why you believe how you do.

anything less than this, and i can see one of you getting steamrolled out of your religion, or the relationship going sour because of unnecessary religious dispute.

-- paul h (dontsendmemail@notanaddress.com), June 04, 2004.


Emily - thank you for providing me with the additional links. They were extremely helpful! Best of luck as you continue to search and examine yourself spiritually.

Paul - I had come across the original message you included above and found it to be very similar to my own feeling on the matter. I appreciated what you had to say because, to me, it seemed to be the most logical way to address this type of issue.

However, I find myself to be increasingly agitated that the issue of religion has become such a dominant matter in our relationship. My mom, who was raised Baptist, is extremely against our relationship and is constantly questioning me about things like how do we plan on raising our children, who will come to church with me, where will we marry, etc. And we're not even engaged.

Our religions are very important to each of us. I guess I have trouble understanding why the Catholic belief seems to get precedence over what I also strongly believe. It seems like, in our relationship, the Catholic viewpoint wins by default.

My home church, like the Catholic church, also requires pre-marital counseling with the pastor. If we were to be engaged, would my Catholic fiance be allowed to go to both types of counseling? Also, with the Catholic counseling, what types of questions are involved while preparing for marriage? If I disagree with the Catholic church on an issue (such as contraception) will this prevent us from getting married?

Also, I already know that my boyfriend WILL NOT get married in a church that is not Catholic. Would a Catholic church allow a pastor to also oversee a wedding, in addition to the priest? Is there a way to incorporate both Baptist and Catholic traditions in a wedding that is held in a Catholic church?

Additionally, I am unbaptized. How would this effect our ability to get married in the Catholic church?

Sorry to throw so many questions in there. I'm just really curious and really want our relationship to work out.

Thanks so much.

-- Rae (hatrick09@yahoo.com), June 04, 2004.


"My home church, like the Catholic church, also requires pre-marital counseling with the pastor. If we were to be engaged, would my Catholic fiance be allowed to go to both types of counseling?"

A: Yes

"Also, with the Catholic counseling, what types of questions are involved while preparing for marriage?"

A: Issues determining that you both understand the Christian concept of marriage and what it requires in terms of Catholic doctrine, and issues which relate to the spiritual, emotional, and maturational readiness for marriage of both parties. Probably not too different from most of the issues addressed in your own church's pre-marital counseling.

"If I disagree with the Catholic church on an issue (such as contraception) will this prevent us from getting married?"

A: No. If you are not Catholic it is a given that you disagree with the Catholic Church's teaching on certain issues. However, realize that your husband will be solemnly bound by such teaching under pain of serious sin, regardless of your extent of personal agreement or disagreement.

"Also, I already know that my boyfriend WILL NOT get married in a church that is not Catholic."

A: In fact, your boyfriend CANNOT get married in a church that is not Catholic, because a Catholic who goes through such a ceremony is NOT validly married.

"Would a Catholic church allow a pastor to also oversee a wedding, in addition to the priest?"

A: It depends upon what "oversee" entails. A Protestant pastor would be allowed to be present as a witness, but could not participate directly in the actual wedding ceremony, that is the actual exchange of vows. The vows may be exchanged only once, and that must be directed by a Catholic priest or deacon.

"Is there a way to incorporate both Baptist and Catholic traditions in a wedding that is held in a Catholic church?"

A: It depends upon the nature of the particular traditions you have in mind. There is some flexibility in some aspects of the church ceremony, but very little flexibility in the actual celebration of the sacrament.

"Additionally, I am unbaptized. How would this effect our ability to get married in the Catholic church?"

A: It would require a dispensation from the bishop, but such dispensations are commonplace and should not be a problem. The priest would obtain it.

"I guess I have trouble understanding why the Catholic belief seems to get precedence over what I also strongly believe. It seems like, in our relationship, the Catholic viewpoint wins by default."

A: With all due respect, Jesus Christ founded only one Church for all mankind. He guaranteed that one Church that the Holy Spirit would guide it to all truth, and that whatsoever it bound upon earth would be bound in heaven. The Word of God calls that one Church "the pillar and foundation of truth". The Catholic Church does not offer "viewpoints". It offers the fullness of divine truth, given to it through the Holy Spirit in accord with the promise of its founder, Jesus Christ. That promise doesn't extend to unauthorized manmade churches founded hundreds of years later. It is not the "Catholic viewpoint" that wins by default, but the Word of God.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), June 04, 2004.



Rae, I'm going to take a shot at your questions and see if i can't make some factors more clear for you:

My mom, who was raised Baptist, is extremely against our relationship and is constantly questioning me about things like how do we plan on raising our children, who will come to church with me, where will we marry, etc. And we're not even engaged.

well, tell her that those are decisions which you, as a responsible adult, will have to work out with your boyfriend if you ever come to marraige. I won't tell you that baptists and catholics are two very different faithful people and that interfaith marraiges can be very difficult. if you love him enough that you should be married though, you will work through it. if not, then there is another great person waiting for you as well.

Our religions are very important to each of us. I guess I have trouble understanding why the Catholic belief seems to get precedence over what I also strongly believe. It seems like, in our relationship, the Catholic viewpoint wins by default.

well, there are actually only a few points where the catholic church has to take the cake: these are the children's baptism, the wedding in the catholic church, and the presence of a priest to preside over vows. I'll discuss some of these issues a little more, but the baptism of the children by the catholic church is a mandatory promise which will be made by your husband which you must indicate that you understand.

Also, I already know that my boyfriend WILL NOT get married in a church that is not Catholic. Would a Catholic church allow a pastor to also oversee a wedding, in addition to the priest? Is there a way to incorporate both Baptist and Catholic traditions in a wedding that is held in a Catholic church?

while technically you can get a dispensation and hold the marraige in a baptist church with the preist there to preside over the vows, if your boyfriend puts his foot down, the baptist minister may actually come and can, through a different dispensation from the bishop, assist in the marraige ceremony... although the priest must preside over the vows and the pronunciation of "By the power of God I pronounce you husband and wife." This would be a good thing for your priest and your minister to work out together, because the bishop minister would in effect be working as a ministerial assistant, so he might be able to speak during the homily portion of the wedding mass (if your diocese carries out mass in conjunction with the wedding).

Additionally, I am unbaptized. How would this effect our ability to get married in the Catholic church?

again, you can get a dispensation from the church for this. On Christ's word "Unless you be reborn through the spirit and through water, you shall not have life in you," I urge you to get baptised as soon as your church will allow. your choice really, but i take that verse very seriously.

-- paul h (dontsendmemail@notanaddress.com), June 05, 2004.


I too married a Catholic almost 20 years ago and we are happily married. Our faith as Baptists hold some very different views from Catholics. First, we believe that baptism is not a rite of passage into heaven. It is only through Jesus Christ that one can be saved. Baptism is freely done out of obediance to Christ's instruction at the time we accept Christ as our Savior. This is a personal decision that can only be made by oneself.

Christ also appoints you, as the man, the awesome responsibilty of being the head of the house. You have the responsibilty of guiding your house spiritually and raising your children in the teachings of God's word. This is not an assignable duty andy you will be held accountable for following or not following His word.

If you have doubts or questions about interdenominational marriage turn to the Word. Read what the Bible specifically says is your responsibilties and how you are to conduct your life, both personal and family, before God.

Above all pray and remain strong in your faith. Let the Holy Spirit guide you in this matter. Ask Our Lord for wisdom, which He gives freely to anyone who asks.

And by the way, I am still a Baptist and now so is my wife and children. May the peace and the blessings of Our Lord, Jesus Christ be with you and your family.

Steve

-- Steve (swilsonsr@netzero.com), June 30, 2004.


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