Are we reallly friends?

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Are internet friendships real, or just another distraction from the stresses of modern life like television or fishing?

Bren scoffs at the idea that folks I communicate with on forums like this can be considered friends. She will make dismissive reference to these relationships, certain that I cannot tell if someone online is anything like they present themselves to be. Frankly I find it a bit insulting, but have learned to just let it go. She has always been jealous of my friendships anyway, which has caused me to pull away socially, but I'm tired of the isolation and fully intend to become much more socially active after we move. I am hungry for connections.

I have been talking to members of this forum for almost 5 years now, and truly feel I know some of you quite well, certainly better than many neighbors I have had over the years, and have a great deal of affection for many of you. But perhaps I am just fooling myself.

What do you all think?

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2004

Answers

Hi EM...I haven't been online now for a week or more (???) and...as always...I come here to read first!! I've truly ALWAYS considered anyone here who has "stuck it out" on BTS a real friend! I'm so distracted lately (sorry!!) and I haven't responded to several of the posts here recently...but I really, really consider ALL of you folks here true friends!!!!! You just tell Bren that I'd swear on a stack of bibles that myself (and my family!) are all that I've written about in the past...and I'll back that up with some fresh lobsters if need be :-)!!!

I thank god...or whomever...for you folks here 'cause you all have given myself and Harry the fortitude and hope to realize that things WILL get better!!!

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2004


Depends on the personalities of the partcipants and what their goals are.

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2004

I'm as real as I can be. I'm a little squirelly about my privacy after some episodes at CS before, but I've been as real as I feel comfortable with. Like my name's not really BetteJ anything (nor sheepish, although I really like sheepish for a name!).

I think the folks who have been posting here for so long have developed a persona that surely seems consistent. Hopefully, it's a persona that reflects who they really are. I think you could tell if we were faking it by now...but then maybe I'm naive!

I really do like to hear how everyone is doing. Kind of like 21st century pen pals for grown-ups...! And teevee and fishing are not really my interests anyway! snort.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2004


Gawd, I hope so! Y'all are about the only people I can stand right now!

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2004

I've been away so long, maybe you don't remember me :-P

Good question, EM. I think it's possible to develop real friendships online. I don't know if it's possible for them to be as deep as those made in person. I do NOT make friends easily. I have numerous friendly acquaintances, but I tend not to call those people actual friends until we go and do things together (and want to go and do them again). Other people with more outgoing personalities than I call all and sundry "friends".

So, I guess that means there can be all sorts of levels of friendship, and I do think that people online can form friendships. But just through a forum such as this? I don't think so. I think you'd have to have plenty of private emails, and then, you're still taking a chance that they're outright lying to you. Or just that you and the other person really really disagree about something that has just never come up, but is important to you.

I'd say, enjoy what you get out of these forums, pursue in private those you'd like to expand, and realize that, while you may be taking a chance, that chance is also for something good. Sorry, I've been thinking in type here. My concluding thought is that it is possible to have online only friendships, but they are harder to develop and maintain.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2004



I only show pictures of my cat to friends! Ha!....Kirk

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2004

Hell Yea!!!!!

I have been a little upset that there hasn't been alot of chatting lately because (as I explained in a previous post) I don't have alot of friends. I can come here and KNOW everyone I'm talking too and tell you stuff and know you will be there for me.

I think some people on other forums would have a tendency to lie. But here, we have no reason to. (although I still don't know where Polly gets all her energy :) Just kidding you)

Julie (who hasn't been on forever) and I are still friends with private e-mails. And you can't forget that birthday card I sent you. How many of your "real" friends would have done that?

And Kirk has shown us pictures of his cat!!

Probably if Bren got into the net and shared some time, her ideas would change.

I love you and that's true. Don't let it bother you.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2004


I love you too, Dee. I am a proud touchy feelie kinda gal, so there. Earthmama (going to see if I can find a picture of my cat!),

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2004

I met Keith through the internet. I met my best male friend through the internet. I met the couple who asked Keith and I to be the godparents for their daughter through the internet. So there Bren! :-P

I agree with Joy that the strictly internet friendships do have a different texture to them, and I also agree with whoever it was that said it depends on the forum. I'd invite any of you to my house without hesitation. From Today's Homestead I'd invite over anyone from the Fiber Arts forum and one or two people from the Stonetemple, but there's no way I'd invite over anyone from the loony libertarian forum where I just started hanging out. :) (OK, there's one person there I'd like to meet but she's an exception).

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2004


The thing I like about the type of friendship that comes from these forums is that we have a chance to get to "know" one another before/if we decide we want to have a more intimate relationship, like personal e-mails, visits, ect... Especially on a forum like this one, where many of us have been talking back and forth for nearly 5 years

As Sherri said, there is no one on this forum that I would not welcome in to my home - we seemed to form a sub-set on Countryside, and I was tickled pink to be invited here when Jim started up this forum because I felt really comfortable with you folks.

I don't think that friendships have to be physical; but I was brought up in the age where writing letters was common - and when you wrote a letter, you tried to make it worth the readers while to read it. And since writing a letter actually took some physical effort - you had to address an envelope, find a stamp, take it to the mail box, wait for the postal orifice to deliver it - none of this instant messaging stuff - I think that people were more careful in what they said. They knew it might stay around a while! I think we are a bit less civilized nowadays.

Another thing I like about internet friendships is that they are more convenient than the other kind. I don't have to worry about you all dropping in when I'm trying to sleep, look like hell, have pms, etc..! I can turn you on (hee hee) or off at will. Ooooh - it's a power thing!!! No, not really; it's more like I can be a better friend when I am a friend when I really want to be. Damn, that doesn't sound right, but I don't know how else to say it.

Anyway, I think my life would be much less entertaining, interesting and enjoyable without you all in it. Thank-you!

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2004



Oh - I forgot! Dee, I don't use all that much energy - I learned long ago to work smart, not hard! I had a boss one time who always put me on the new installations when they came in; he said "I'm not saying you're lazy, but you do always find the easiest way to get the job done." I told him that the word he was looking for was efficient, not lazy! I multi-task like you wouldn't believe; and I also make lists - prioritizing and then putting the tasks into reasonable order. Like today - I picked beans, then left Pop snapping them while I went to take a nap. When I got up, I started canning them; and while the canner was going, I cleaned a canteloupe, sliced some peaches, cleaned the fridge and took swill to the chickens, washed dishes, put groceries in the pantry, wiped down the counters, and swept and damp mopped the kitchen floor. I needed to pretty much stay in the area of the canner, so I just did all the stuff that needed done in that area while I was tied down there; and I did it in a logical order, ie: got the canner going before I started the other stuff, did the messy stuff and put stuff away before I wiped the counters and mopped the floor. It's all in how you plan your tasks!

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2004

Polly, yes planning is one thing, but executing the plan is another! You really do seem to have more energy that most of us it seems from reading. I multi-task a lot, too, but I don't think I could sustain the activity level you have (although just thinking about it...this weekend I told myself I'd have a *quiet* weekend! I ended up weeding a 1200 sq. ft garden, another two slightly smaller ones, planting cukes, spinach, beets, plus mulching with cardboard, washing and hanging several loads of laundry, cleaning the ewe barn and barnyard, and entertaining company last night). Maybe I have more energy than I think!

And since the topic is friends, I don't know what I'd do without all of you. You folks really are a source of inspiration, exasperation, and instigation! I hope we stay on here for years!!!! And I hope some of the guys check back in (although they're probably po'd about the politics...still I look forward to reading everyone's thoughts!).

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2004


See, see what I mean. I had to strip and rewax my kitchen floor and we shot afterward. And I found a cleaner that I don't really have to scrub with. Okay, it could be that the cleaner makes me sick but I guess I can also say that I try to avoid doing housekeeping as much as possible and would rather be outside building something...okay, never mind, I guess I do alot too.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2004

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