First, Hello to everyone again on the forum. I have been away for a time..ill.You all have been in my thoughts and prayers.

My Mother died a week ago after a long illness. Mother was Catholic. She had been away from the Church for over 50 years, but had returned a year ago at my urging. My only brother is a Protestant fundamentalist who is very anti-Catholic. He is in charge of my mother's funeral arrangements. It's getting complicated.

He is now arranging a mass with her cremated remains present, and is planning to deliver his own "sermon" concerning the "salvation message" to those attending, with emphasis upon how all a person needs to do is accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior and that's "it"..when they die, they will immediately go straight to heaven for all eternity.

At first I didn't think a funeral mass could be said with cremated remains, but my own priest told me that a new rule was established in 1997 permitting this.

I cannot imagine the priest in mother's church allowing my brother to preach fundamentalist doctrine at the funeral mass..I don't think he knows what my brother has planned..just that he'd like to say a few words. I feel obligated to call the priest and give him a heads up..naturally emotions are running high to say the least. A Catholic daughter who cannot attend the mass 1200 miles away, and an anti-Catholic son who wants to make a "statement" at the service.

I give him credit for following her wishes for a Catholic service to begin with, knowing his feelings, yet he's the kind of man you simply cannot reason with. He's already told me it's his way or the highway and if anyone interferes with his plans, there will be NO mass at all. Makes me feel as if I ought to shut up and let the priest be horrified..but then it's more than that..sacrilege and holding my own Mother and the sacred mass hostage. arrggghg..what to do here? I'm way to close to this situation to make a reasonable judgement. My own priest is now on vacation and the other priest..well, let's say I need more input. What do you folks say?

-- Lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), August 26, 2004

Answers

If you allow a Fundamentalist to make the arrangements for a Catholic funeral, you can't very well complain about any irregularities that may occur as a result. Why don't you approach the priest for a Mass of Christian burial yourself? If arrangements have already been finalized, you should certainly inform the priest of the situation in advance. Given your brother's stated intention, it is obvious that he should not be allowed to address the congregation, lest your mother's funeral be desecrated by turning it into a forum for the preaching of heresy. Besides, no lay person, Catholic or otherwise, may deliver a "sermon" at a Mass, and if he intends to turn your mother's eulogy into a self-serving (though he may not see it that way) opportunity to proselytize, you should make sure that he doesn't have that opportunity. If he chooses not to attend under those conditions, then that is his decision.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 26, 2004.

Unfortunately, Mother gave my brother Power of attorney..I tried to discuss with him all of these things in a reasonable manner and that's when he went nuts and threatened to have no service at all. He holds all the cards legally as far as our Mother's funeral arrangements..I have no say at ALL. Because of my illness, I cannot even get up there myself.. I have great respect for your opinion Paul..I shall call the priest and let him know what's going on.

-- Lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), August 26, 2004.

Civil power of attorney doesn't extend to the particulars of a religious liturgy. The state has no authority over such matters, and therefore has no power to confer authority over such matters. They wanted separation of church and state. They got it. Now they have to abide by it.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 26, 2004.

Lesley,

I will pray for the repose of your Moms' soul today.

You realy have something to be proud of, and thankful to God that with Gods Grace you were able to bring her back to the Catholic Church.

Just pray and try to stay focused on the postitive things because it realy doesn't matter what a anti- Catholic Protestant says now. Your Mom died a Catholic and thats all that is important now. Your brothers motives arn't hard to understand.

God bless you

-- - (David@excite.com), August 26, 2004.

God bless you in your loss. There are several issues here, and it is important to set priorities. The first priority is your mother’s wishes. If she died Catholic and wishes to have a Mass of Christian Burial, then her wish should be honored. This will require the assistance of a priest, who will be happy to work with you, your brother, and your family to plan a proper liturgy. Here are some guidelines:

• The Catholic Church allows for cremation, but cremated ashes must be treated with the same reverence and respect that one treats a body. If at all possible, the body of the deceased should be present at a Catholic funeral. If this is not possible, your mother’s ashes should be present and blessed during the liturgy just as her body would be. Her ashes should be buried in a grave just as a body would be. They should never be scattered or remain in someone’s home. • Your brother, or any member of the family may offer a eulogy, but only a Catholic Priest or Deacon may offer a Homily at Mass. Eulogies can be given before or after Mass (usually at the grave side) but they are not a replacement for a Homily, which should be focused on the readings of the day or the readings your family selects. If your brother wishes to have a memorial at his own church, he may do so. That may be the best choice in this situation. Your Priest will be able to counsel your family regarding your wishes.

Hope this helps,

Dan

-- Dan Webster (danweb@comcast.net), August 27, 2004.