I have seen many "depression" forums on-line. I am looking for a forum for people that desire to live by choice theory but can use the support of others that hold to that. I find that I need reinforcement, or have a tendency to slip back into the old external control way of life.

-- Kathleen Moser (clachan@frontiernet.net), February 15, 2005

Answers

Kathleen, after reading your entry, one of my first thoughts was “this lady is standing right next to it, talking about it, but doesn’t see it.” In many situations in my life, I have been the one standing and talking, but not seeing. You “concern” about slipping “into the old external control way of life,” so you have concluded that you need reinforcement. Reinforcement is external. Punishment is external. The Real World is external. Our perception is the dipstick of the Real World. Your dip stick reads “depressed.” In similar situations, when feeling just as you do, mine reads “depressing.”

I would suggest two things. Consider yourself in a time when you were most content, satisfied, and happy. Reflect upon the activities in which you CHOSE to engage, the people with whom you CHOSE to associate, and things you CHOSE to use. Understanding your personal choice to assume control is probably the first step. A step you have undoubtedly taken before, but didn’t understand it as a choice. Individuals gravitate to things, activities, and persons that are need- fulfilling. Unfortunately, when we donot encounter needfulfilling items (things, activities, ways to be, and persons) consistently, we might become chronically need-deficient, eventually depressed--The world is no fun.; I am nothing.; I can't do anything about it.; and I am alone and unloved. But, if you choose to reframe the situation and say--I am choosing to have no fun.; I am doing nothing.; I am not wielding my power.; and I am choosing to be alone.--you might see a possibility that you might be able to alter your situation, not with the help of others, but by your choice to associate with others.

The second? Last year, I was feeling kinda burned-out, just “wallowing.” I wrote an entry to this same website, "To wallow or not to wallow." Read it, it probably will explain a little further, as to what I am addressing. Lastly, remember what my Uncle Forrest used to say (or was he your uncle?), “Stupid is as stupid does.” AND “Depressed is and depressed does.” Have a good day (or not). TD

-- Ted Donato (tdonato@toppenish.wednet.edu), February 16, 2005.

Kathleen, after rethinking my response, it is necessary that I add to my reply. First, what I said I believe to be valid. Secondly, my implication that seeking a group for reinforcement was just perpetuating a stimulus-response existence was wrong. The word that threw me was “reinforcement.” Groups such as the one I am now visualizing would do so much more than telling you what you are doing is good or bad, right or wrong. A support group would allow you feedback and validation of what you are currently doing and allow you a forum at which you could identify new “What else can I do?’s” This is certainly appropriate considering the fourth question of the Reality Therapy Loop--1) What do I want?; 2) What am I doing?; 3) Is it working?; and 4) WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?

I responded to your inquiry the first part of my school day and spent some time during the day thinking about your inquiry and my quick and incomplete response. I hope this clarifies my thoughts some. TD

-- Ted Donato (tdonato@toppenish.wednet.edu), February 16, 2005.

So, is there any answer to my original question--that of locating a support group?

-- Kathleen Moser (clachan@frontiernet.net), February 17, 2005.

Kathleen, while cruising the web, between classes, I came across the following website. Check it out. TD

http://hsl.mcmaster.ca/tomflem/counsel.html

-- Ted Donato (tdonato@toppenish.wednet.edu), March 15, 2005.