Definitions. ( Humour.)

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A few definitions for you.No. I did not compose this.

-- ZAROVE (ZAROFF3@JUNO.COM), February 21, 2005

Answers

The definitions.

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines

-- ZAROVE (ZAROFF3@JUNO.COM), February 21, 2005.


Very good Zarove, you are a pleasant relief from that othr forum.

-- TC (Treadmill234@south.com), February 21, 2005.

Here is an oldie but goodie;

What should they say? Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look He's moving!

-- TC (Treadmill@234.com), February 21, 2005.


Okay, this one is a bit crass, but, Oh, is it funny. AND please this is not an ethnic joke, but an Anti-IRS joke, using a Rabbi to deliver the punch!

**********

The Internal Revenue Service sent an auditor to a synagogue. As the auditor reviews all the paperwork, he turns to the rabbi and says,"I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."

"Yes we do." responded the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" He asked.

"A good question." noted the rabbi. "We actually save them up, and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. "Rabbi, what about all these matza purchases? What do you do with all the crumbs from the matza?"

"Ah, yes," replied the rabbi calmly. "We actually collect up all the crumbs from the matza and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer; and every now and then they send us a box of matza balls."

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how he could fluster the rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he continued, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"

"Yes, here too we do not waste." The rabbi answered. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the Internal Revenue Service."

"Internal Revenue?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue. And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."

**********

HA, HA, HA, HA!!!

-- Gail (rothfarms@socket.net), February 21, 2005.


Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (with their habits partially blocking the view ), three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there."

The sec! ond guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there.

"The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there."

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet calm voice said, "Why don't you go to Hell...... there aren't any Nuns living there."

HA, HA, HA, HA!!!

-- Gail (rothfarms@socket.net), February 21, 2005.



Sorry guys, but the Mel Brooks award for the funniest jokes has to go to Gail. Funny!

Which reminds me of one of Mel's movie jokes from HIstory of the World Part II:

(Mel is doing standup for Ceasar.)

"Yes, those Christians are so poor...how poor are they...they are so poor they have only one God."

Sorry.....

...................

-- rod (elreyrod@yahoo.com), February 21, 2005.


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